Plane Chaos
by boomzgleeks
Summary: All the Hetalia nations are on a plane together for another of those boring world conferences. What makes it less boring this time, though,is the fact that Germany has vanished and a couple of SEA nations are on  the plane as well. Crack!Fic
1. Chapter 1

**Heyo! ^^ It's Leanne here! So, this is me and Carmen's new fic, Plane Chaos. And this time, we added in co-writer Amber. (. She's the same age as us.) Heh, three's a crowd. Oh, and this is supposed to be a crackfic, but Amber's sense of humour isn't exactly the best, and Carmen's is kind of warped. Oh, and mine... don't even talk about it. Heh. So I'm not sure if this is that funny, but we'll give it a shot!**

**Disclaimer: We own no one but Singapore. Or do we?  
**

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It was time for the annual World Conference and a few of the nations had congregated together for a party before flying to China, the place where the World Conference would be held that year. England was complaining to a poor flight attendant about how his tea was not allowed on board, and France was pouring a large bottle of wine down his throat.

"How the hell did you smuggle that in, anyway?" England glared sullenly at France after a failed argument with the stern flight attendant who reminded him of Belarus. The intoxicated country just looked at him hazily with glazed over eyes. "Eeet eez French wine! Everyvone knows French wine eez ee best, so theey of course allow eet on board!" "Fine, whatever," England rolled his eyes and looked out of the window.

"Gimme some of your wine!" shouted Italy who was sitting on France's other side, practically grabbing the bottle from France. "Non!" snorted France. "I painstakingly smuggled this in. Get some of that vodka stuff from Russia. He has a lot, and he's asleep."

"I don't like Russia. I'm scared. GERMANY HELP!"

"Germany's in the toilet with Prussia."

"What?" Italy exclaimed in the childish voice of his. "Germany's somewhere else and he didn't take me along?"

"Quiet, I'm reading," muttered Japan, who was sitting next to him in the four seater middle row of Peace Airways, "Doitsu'll come back later."

Italy removed his seatbelt, much to the horror of the Belarus-like air stewardess and the other passengers. _If Germany's going somewhere, I'm going too!_

At the entrance to the toilet, he met Prussia.

"Where's Germany? I thought he was with you?" Italy asked.

Prussia looked shocked as he muttered, "Why would the awesome me be with him?"

"But...but...Japan..." Italy trailed off. "Then where is he?"

Prussia shrugged. "Germany's probably training his war tactics in first class or something. Don't worry, they'll arrest him soon. Why are you so worried about my brother?"

Italy was lost for words. "But Japan told me that he was in the toilet with you!"

Prussia sighed. "Yes, he was, but then Bruder went out." Italy looked more and more worried by the second. Prussia, looking annoyed, ignored him and pushed past Italy back to his seat, as Italy searched the toilets.

Nothing.

"Ve..." mumbled Italy. "What if he's missing?"

Deciding quickly that if Prussia wasn't going to show him, then he would go find Germany himself, Italy stumbled over to First Class,  
where some very confused people were staring at him. "DOITSU!" he yelled, oblivious to everyone's stares.

Germany was nowhere to be found. He ran back to where all the other nations were sitting. "I can't find Doitsu anywhere! He's missing!"

"Chill," said France, who was reading something that looked politically incorrect. "Guys disappear! Poof!"

"HE'S MISSING!" wailed Italy.

"Somebody calm him down," muttered America, half flirting with England.

Switzerland smirked. "So, your Bruder isn't here, it seems? One less person to spoil the party." He picked up his 21' gun and fired out the window, only to hit a very annoyed Hungary who had missed the flight and was using her frying pan to get to China.

The next minute, the pan flew through the window and hit Switzerland square in the stomach.

"Ouch!" said Switzerland.

Japan groaned, looking up from his manga. "Switzerland-san! Be more civilised!"

"I WANT GERMANY!" shouted Italy.

America looked pissed.

"Someone, find Germany!" shouted Italy again. This was when America decided to put a stop to the nonsense so that he could keep flirting. He stood up, having forgotten that his seat belt was still fastened, and slammed down onto the seat.

England flew straight up, the impact of the slamming was simply too large.

So he did not tie his seatbelt.

"Ok, nations!" declared America. France snored.

The commotion brought the Belarus-like flight attendant rushing in to keep order while five rows away, the ASEAN countries watched, bemused.

"How immature they act when they're older than us," Malaysia remarked.

"It's been proven that as nations get older, they become stupider." Singapore quoted, reading his autobiography.

'Shut up, Singapore, no one wants to hear facts, especially not me," Thailand retorted.

The two passengers in front of America took off their headphones and looked rather shocked at hearing America call the nations..well, _nations._

"GERMANY DOITSU!" yelled Italy again. America unbuckled his seatbelt, eyeing England's sore butt.

"So, anyway, here are your roles. I'm the hero. You're my assistant, and you, and you..." America started pointing at all the nations one by one. "Italy, where was Germany last seen?"

"Veee..."

"STOP LOOKING FOR THAT POTATO BASTARD!" yelled South Italy suddenly.

The two passengers now looked absolutely flabbergasted at hearing the countries' names.

"Quit staring, will ya? It's giving me the creeps. "America drawled, reaching forward to jam the headphones back onto one of the passengers' ears.

"WAAAAH!" Italy began crying. "Shut up, fratello! I want Doitsu! I want Doitsu!"

"I'm bleeding!" yelled Switzerland.

"Um, OK," said America. "But you're not crying, are you? Priorities!"

France snored again. "Hey, can I put a sock in his mouth?" asked China.

The air stewardess was on the verge of grabbing Switzerland's gun and shooting all of them.

"Be quiet, won't they? God, I can't fathom how much rowdier they will be tomorrow." Singapore complained to Thailand.

"OK, everyone!" yelled America, desperate.

We went to the toilet," said Prussia.

"Ooooo..." said France, who was not sleeping at all. China threw a stinky American sock at him. He choked.

"These potato brothers!" scowled South Italy. "Setting such a bad example for my poor little fratello."

"FRATELLO, SHUT UP!" wailed Italy. "VEEE!"

Belarus stared at all of the stupid nations. Why had she even agreed to be part of this? She grabbed for Switzerland's gun.

Noticing the hand come past, Switzerland and his killer instinct immediately threw it out of the window, drenching it with blood.

Belarus sighed and ran to Russia's seat, screaming all the way.

"Wa lao," Singapore swore. **(1)**

"Hey, you got peanuts or not? Can gimme? I want to take home," Singapore said to Thailand in broken English.

"I thought you were LEARNED! What happened to all the big words?" Thailand asked, feeling rather befuddled on board this unpredictable flight.

"Yeah, well, I got comfortable." Singapore replied nonchalantly, stealing Thailand's pack of peanuts and stuffing it into his pocket.

"Such a kiasu freak." Thailand rolled her eyes. **(2)**

Singapore looked infuriated. "You speak Singlish?"

"Thailand is a stickler for pre-conference research," Malaysia deadpanned.

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**(1) _Wa Lao - _A Singlish (Singaporean English) swear word, meaning something along the lines of 'Wa sai!'. Heh, no lah. Oh gosh, I'm overdoing the Singlish bit, right? It means something like 'Ugh.' Yeah. I think.**

**(2) _Kiasu - _A Hokkien adjective meaning that someone likes to take advantage of the situation, and in this case, get some freebies. (I love the peanuts on the plane! Don't you)**

**So, that's the translation bit for those who don't speak our Singaporean English ^^ I feel really insensitive asking for reviews, but if you have the time, review please? :D  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**We're baaaaack! :D Sorry for the wait! We were also busy with me and Carmen's other fic _Exterminio _(Do check that out if you like Glee, heh.) and other stuff, like physics. Why on earth would we need to learn physics at 13 years old, anyway? It's so much more fun to learn Geography, because then we'd have a whale of a time laughing at the countries. Bah :D Anyway, here's Chapter 2! We hope you enjoy it~**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing but the plane. Hey, we don't even own the plane! Oops.  
**

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Germany was having a hard time navigating around what seemed to be an endless maze of roads. So far, there weren't any seats and he wondered where he was. Hmm. There was no smell of pasta, which usually meant that he was far away from Italy, but it could just be France wearing that dreadful perfume again.

_I exited left from the toilet that Prussia was in, then I turned into here...where am I exactly?_

He wondered where the hell he was (again!) He shuddered to think of what everyone would think of him. I mean, who had ever gotten lost in a plane before?

_For all my war navigation skills, how come I can't even find the plane plan?_

**BAM.**

Germany crashed headlong into a door.

The door swung open, revealing a host of utensils.

Immediately, Germany's face lit up like a child who got a toy for no particular reason.

_ Cooking! Maybe I could bake a cake here in secret or something..._

A smile crept up onto the nation's face as he began to make himself at home in the kitchen, pleased to find that all the ingredients he needed to try out his newest concoction were present.

Italy was having an even more difficult time than Germany, if that was possible, but Italy didn't seem to mind in his endless Pursuit of Doitsu.

"I'm lost!" yelled Italy.

"Uh, you're beside me," said Switzerland, who had stopped bleeding (quite a miracle, as Switzerland was always throwing weapons around).

"I'm still lost!" yelled Italy. "POOR DOITSU!"

"Shut up about that potato!" yelled South Italy, who was trying to read his magazine in peace.

"Let's have a proper meeting, if it'll shut him up!" yelled Prussia.

"NO WAY!" argued America. "The problem is that no one except Germany knows how to have a proper meeting! Italy, shut up! He'll appear!"

"I WANT DOITSU!" whined Italy.

France stopped trying to grope the poor air stewardess momentarily and started laughing.

"Shut UP, you idiot!" roared England, who had obviously caught the Loud Voice Bug from America.

France looked hurt.

Italy started whining at the top of his voice again, just in case he had been forgotten.

"I want Doitsu, so I'll go find him!" shouted Italy.

"I FORBID YOU TO RUN AFTER THAT POTATO BASTARD!" I think we can all guess who said that.

"Um, not a good idea," said Switzerland.

"Good riddance, non?" asked France, glad to be able to concentrate his attentions of beating Prussia's record of groping air stewardesses (which was not very impressive, but neither was France's).

"FREEDOM OF CHOICE!" yelled America, who didn't really give a damn about choice or freedom but wanted to flirt.

Italy meandered down the aisle as the nations began fighting over Japan's newly revealed picture of America kissing France at a party.

Suddenly, he saw a hat. "DOITSU'S HAT!" he yelled, running back to the nations.

"Um, that's my hat," said Seychelles.

"What?" asked Italy, clearly disappointed.

"Yeah, I got it in Germany. Souvenir, you know..."

"What? There are more of this?" Italy stopped, momentarily quelled by Seychelles's words. "I want one!"

"Go ask Germany." An unconcerned Switzerland said.

"Ve, I will!" And with that, Italy tore down the aisle and towards the toilet (again).

"What is with Italy and his obsession with the toilet?" America shrugged, then continued to flirt with a stoic England.

"DOITSUUUUUUUUUUU!" Italy threw the door of the cubicle open, only to reveal a tiny boy with his pants unzipped standing in front of the toilet bowl, who promptly started crying.

"Whoops."

Italy wandered through the plane. "Doitsu?" he asked, every time he saw someone blond (even if they were female).

He found business class. There were people dressed in suits inside. "DOITSU!" he started shouting, to save time. "IT'S ITALY!"

Everyone looked at him blankly.

"Oops." Italy muttered as everyone else from America stared at him.

Italy ran down the aisle and found first class. The door was locked and Italy jammed it over and over again.

It didn't budge.

Back to the toilet, then. Germany was last seen there.

Italy sprinted down the aisle to the aircraft's washroom. He didn't want the same incident as just now to occur, so he made sure the 'Unoccupied' sign overhead was flashed green, double checked then opened the door.

Nothing.

Standing dumbly in the empty cubicle, Italy began to feel rather dumb. Why on earth would Doitsu leave the toilet unlocked if he were inside, anyway?

"Hey, Italy! Still looking for Germany?"

Italy turned around rather forlornly to see America standing there, grinning like an idiot.

America smiled. "Maybe he's really gone for real! Then we'll just have to tell China then, one less person. Anyway, Germany doesn't eat, doesn't talk, and he stares at any and everyone. Doesn't make a difference."

Italy nearly blew up at America's happiness at Germany's disappearance. Instead, he promptly opened his mouth wide and started bawling.

"WHO'S GONNA RESCUE ME IF I FALL INTO A TOMATO CRATE AGAIN? WHO'M I GONNA RUN TO FOR HELP WHEN I GET STUCK IN SOME KIND OF WEIRD SITUATION? YOU?"

America looked startled momentarily, then smiled broadly. "Okay!"

Italy scowled immediately, dropping the pity act. No, he was going to find Doitsu, no matter what. He sniffed, then turned on his heel to storm off.

After wandering around for awhile, Italy realized he was lost too. "DOITSUUUUU!" He wailed, then stopped abruptly, remembering that Germany was apparently lost too.

"Where the hell am I?" Italy scratched his head, squinting at the plaque next to a door. He faintly made out the words 'Kitchen' engraved on the now-rusty sign. A fragrant smell wafted out from the kitchen, and Italy felt his stomach rumble.

_ Who knows? They may be cooking pasta!_ Italy found himself pushing open the door to reveal...

"DOITSUUUUU!"

Emptiness.

"I told you not to go looking for him!" roared his brother, coming out of nowhere from behind him. "They probably mixed him up with all the potatoes in there! He's ugly enough to be mixed up with the leftovers, too!"

Suddenly, Switzerland emerged from the deep depths of the kitchen, carrying a large military rifle. "Oh, Italy, I was just looking for my guns. Your precious 'Doitsu' isn't inside. I ransacked the place, I should know. Want to help me hijack this plane, Romano?"

"Not while my brother is running after potato bastards!" yelled the older Italy.

"He's not a potato bastard, he's my…never mind."

"How about 'lover'?" asked France, who had followed Seychelles to the toilet and was now loitering around the kitchen. "You know, mon ami, they build these toilets way too close to the kitchen. I mean, who knows what kind of rubbish is going into our mouths?"

"Potato bastard rubbish!" yelled the older Italy.

"STOP IT!" yelled Italy. "I want GERMANY! I WANT GERMANY!"

"Man, you guys are better at arguing than me, and I'm, like, the awesome king of fighting in general. I never lose!" bragged Prussia, who had gotten up to follow France and was now eavesdropping on the conversation. "Anyway, West is probably practising military tactics in the cockpit or something, he'll come back. He never forgets a meeting! Chill, man."

South Italy looked pleased at Prussia. "See, listen to Prussia! After, he's the other potato bastard, he should know!"

"What did you say?" yelled Prussia.

"Oh no," stated France quite truthfully.

"Can I borrow your pistol?" asked Switzerland.

Italy, for once, was fed up with the other nations. He stalked off towards his seat, wondering if Germany had left anything behind which might tell him where he was. This was going to be a long ride if he didn't find his precious Doitsu.

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**Like it? Love it? Hate it? Feel free to review if you want! Chapter 3 is on its way soon... we hope. XD**


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